A major mindset change can be this: thinking less about fault and more about responsibility.
Many people dodge owning up to their problems because they think it means they're to blame. In our culture, responsibility and fault often seem linked. But they're not the same thing.
There are problems we didn't cause, but we still need to solve them. Fault and responsibility are different.
Fault is about assigning blame. It looks backward.
Responsibility means taking action. It looks forward.
Focusing on fault is important for two main reasons:
- Identifying legal liabilities
- Learning from mistakes
Focusing on responsibility matters for one reason: Solving problems.
The person solving a problem doesn’t have to be the person at fault. So if we ask "who's to blame for the problem?" we get the wrong person to solve it.
A basic fact of life is this:
No matter who or what caused the situation you're in, you are responsible for how you handle it.
Your boss might put you in an unfair spot. They could be to blame. But now, it's your job to deal with it. You can accept it, push back, negotiate, or leave.
Perhaps your partner has mistreated or betrayed you. It could be their fault that your relationship is difficult. But it’s your responsibility to act. Try to see things from their perspective, talk about it, or overcome your hurt ego. Or end the relationship with grace, if needed.
The only way to control outcomes in your life is to claim responsibility. Regardless of who’s at fault. Focusing on fault ties you to the past and paralyzes you. It makes you feel like a victim.
None of this means that being at fault isn't important. Knowing if you are or aren't at fault can evoke guilt, regret, frustration, anger, or relief. These feelings may or may not be useful, depending on the situation.
But if we stop trying because we focus on blame, we’re handing over the joystick: “Here, you play my life now.”
Yes, with great power comes great responsibility. But with great responsibility comes great power.
Here are 3 other concepts you might benefit from: